A Tangle of Souls
by IvoryRose156
Summary: To love means to let go. But did he do the right thing by doing so?
1. Prologue

To love means to let go. It does not mean that it will be easy, or that it won't hurt. It does. A lot. But if you love someone, truly love someone, then the only thing that you want is their happiness. You just want to see them smile, even if it means that your smile will be wiped off. Even if it means their death.

Everybody thinks that I am mad. That my decision was wrong. But nobody knew her like I did. Nobody knew them like I did. They didn't know what exactly he meant to her, or she meant to him. They knew that they were in love. But that's not all. Love is a word that can never completely describe what the two of them had for each other. The yearning they had for each other filled, not only their hearts and bodies, but also their minds and souls. They had this almost desperate need to touch each other. Nothing flashy, no. Holding hands, a small hug and maybe a few stolen kisses. Sometimes, I would walk onto them kissing each other. Clinging onto each other as if their lives depended on it. And maybe it did. I think that both of them, somehow, knew that it was going to end one day. That they will be torn apart from each other by the old, ruthless invader called death.

Maybe my decision was wrong. Maybe she could have continued living. Maybe not quite living, but existing. Like an empty shell, bereft of any soul or feelings. Without any meaning, motive, wishes, or dreams. Because he was all that meant anything to her. Not that we weren't special. She loved us. Yes she did. But not in the same way as she loved him. We were her friends, well-wishers, companions, classmates. We meant a lot to her. But he meant everything. He was her best friend. The only one she would ever sacrifice her life for, without a nanosecond of thought. He was her lover, her knight in shining armour. He was her soul mate.

People gave her condolences. They told her, that a day would come, when it will hurt no more. That she will find someone else, whom she will love and cherish. It was not true. I know it was not. No one could ever love her the way he did. No one could ever make her laugh the way he did. No one could ever protect her the way he did. No one could shake away her nightmares the way he did. No one could ever mean to her, what he did.

It was as if he carried a part of her with him when he died. A part of her that smiled, laughed, loved and lived. Everything ceased to exist for her the moment he died. How was I supposed to have asked her to live on, when I saw the raw pain and grief in her eyes? How could I ask her to live in a world in which he didn't live in? I saw her everyday, forcing herself through a mundane ritual called existence. I saw her go through everyday, hoping it would be the last. Death changes people, but it destroyed her. She was not all alone. She had us. But none of us were him. We knew it, so did she and she tried her best not to hate us for that.

The world knew of their story. The tragic tale of lost love. The love story of Natsume Hyuuga and Mikan Sakura, the two heroes of the Alice War. They heard of them, read about them. They glorified their achievements and pitied their tragic ends. But they just knew them as two people who loved and lost. As characters, not flesh and blood. Like the ones you see in movies. You could almost expect it to fade to black and names to appear.

I loved her. Maybe as long as he did, but maybe not as much as he did. I loved her, even though I knew that she could never be mine. I could have tried when he died. But then, how could I? I could have never loved her the way he did. I could never hug her the same way, never hold her the same way, never talk to her the same way. He was the one who mattered, the one she loved, the one she went to when she was upset. I wanted to save her, but nothing was left to be saved. I cared for her, so I wanted her to live. I loved her, so I let her die.

My name is Ruka Nogi. And this is my story.

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**A/U- Hey! I'm just a sucker for tragedies! so how was it? good, bad, worst?lemme know!**


	2. Chapter 1

A cold wind blew through the deserted fields of the Alice Academy. The once cheerful and carefree place now seemed to be buried under layers of chaos, confusion and angst. The Alice War, as everybody called it, lasted for more than two months, 67 days to be exact. The Anti-Alice Organisation lost, but the losses that were suffered by the ones on the Academy's side seemed harsher. Hundreds from the AAO's side were killed, but they went down with almost an equal number of students. Betrayal rates ran high on both the sides, people known as friends turned out to be foes and enemies turned into allies. But the greatest betrayal of all, if it could be called a betrayal at all, was that of Yuka's, who , in order to save her daughter turned her back on the organisation for which she had worked for- killed for, for more than ten years. Being one of the members who formed the organisation, Yuka's knowledge of the enemy's battle plans was a main factor that led to their victory. The number of people- students and teachers was running high. Just when they had thought that they had lost all, some more lives were lost. People were now dying of over usage of their Alices. Death was everywhere, creeping its way through even the coldest of hearts.

A brunette waited over another patient in the cafeteria, which, due to lack of space in the Hospital was turned into a makeshift clinic. She concentrated as hard as she could and tried healing the ten year old girl, with the use of her stolen healing Alice. She had over exhausted herself to the point of insanity, but there was no other option. She was one of the very few who could help and she was desperate to prove everybody that the stealing Alice didn't necessarily mean bad. A warm light engulfed both their bodies and the brunette let go off the girl's hand, now smiling gently.

"Mikan?" A voice called for her, meekly.

She knew who it was even before she turned, of course she would. It was a voice that she had been hearing for seven years now, on countless occasions, his voice calling out her name the same way it called her now. Timidly, shyly. Lovingly. She sighed before she turned back to look at him. Ruka Nogi, a foul weather friend, a well wisher. Someone who had grown as close to her as Hotaru was. He didn't realise, but she knew that he had loved her from when they were ten. She even tried falling in love with him, for his sake. But her heart was set on someone else, and even pretending to be in love with someone else seemed impossible. She genuinely hoped that he only crushed on her, and that it would pass. But it never did. He only fell more and more in love with her. She hated not being to do anything for him, for being the one who was so deeply loved by him and yet was unable to return his feelings. But she knew that she would only hurt herself and Ruka if she pretended to be in love with him, just for his sake.

"Yes, Ruka. How are things back at the hospital? Do they need me there?" asked Mikan, moving over to the basin to clean her hands.

"No. Everything's fine at the hospital. Or at least, as fine as it can get." He spoke as he stopped by at the bed and gazed at the face of the girl Mikan had just healed. "Sumire woke up, and Koko was able to catch bits and pieces of my thoughts after a bit of trying. Hey, doesn't this girl look like Aoi? I mean, the resemblance is there, right, Mikan?" He continued and turned to face Mikan, who now stood frozen, a towel in her hand, and a glazed expression on her face. "Mikan? Are you alright?" he asked, concerned for her. God knew that she was overworking herself. He walked ahead and grabbing her by her shoulders, shook her slightly. Mikan awoke from her trance, and looked at Ruka now, the glazed expression still there on her face.

"Sorry? Did you say anything?" she said, keeping the towel down.

Ruka looked at her worriedly. "Are you sure you don't need rest Mikan? You look pretty worked out to me, you know?" he said.

Mikan just shook her head, before answering. "I'm alright, Ruka. I swear, these people need me. And you are right; this girl really looks like Aoi..." She said, abruptly changing the topic.

Ruka sighed, before deciding to flow with the tide. "She does...After this war, I'm kind of happy that Aoi lost her Alice." He said, as he shrugged. "Its better that she wasn't amidst all this shit. Are you alright?" he asked, worriedly, as Mikan put her head in her hands.

"No...its nothing. Just got dizzy for a second there. Maybe I must go get something to eat. I'm fine, Ruka, stop fussing." She added irritably, as he continued to look at her, as if she would just faint any second.

"Hey, don't you get testy with me. I was just concerned. But, Natsume will probably kill me if something happens to you when you were with me." He answered. He didn't miss the blush that had crept its way on her face. "And talking about Natsume..."he continued, "He wanted you to meet him at the sakura tree. Right now."

He smiled at the way Mikan gasped, and hurried over to help her pack her things.

"Jeez... Thanks, Ruka!" she said, leaning forward to give him a peck on his cheek. "Thanks a lot! Oh yeah, how is Piyo?" she asked about the giant chick.

"He's healing." replied Ruka, unable to stop the feeling of disdain rising in him. "You better leave; he'll be waiting for you."

Mikan tried to avoid the scorn in his voice as she rushed towards the door. Ruka turned back to look at the girl Mikan had just healed.

"Hey Ruka?" spoke Mikan, who was now standing at the door, with a weird expression on her face. Was it apologetic?

"Hmm..." replied Ruka. "What?"

Mikan opened her mouth to say something, but she seemed to have thought the better of it. "Nothing... It's just – nothing. I'll see you later." She said, before she rushed out of the door, closing it with a slight bang.

Ruka walked towards the medicine cabinet and got himself an aspirin to soothe his headache. He knew he must have gotten used to Mikan and Natsume being a couple by now. After all, they had been officially going out for around four years now, and everybody knew that Mikan and Natsume were going to end up together, years before that. But he couldn't help the pain, the constriction around his heart every time he saw them together. He wasn't to blame. After all, even he had loved Mikan for such a long time, maybe he even paid more attention to her than Natsume, but in the end, she still chose Natsume over him. He tried his best not to despise Natsume for that; for he knew, better than the others that Natsume deserved happiness more than anybody else in the entire world. It just irked Ruka that Natsume's happiness happened to be Mikan. God knew that he had tried falling in love with other people, but every time he fell in love, it was never the same as it was Mikan. Maybe it'd never be the same. But there was nothing he could do about it, but to wait.

Ruka walked towards the window and looked out. He felt guilty, disgusted with himself at the thought. Natsume was his best friend since forever who had put up with the academy for Ruka's sake, and this was how he chose to repay such a wonderful friend like Natsume. He remembered a promise that the two of them had made, that no matter who gets Mikan, nothing would ever happen to their friendship. Maybe if it was him, Ruka who had won Mikan's love, then maybe Natsume might have never thought of it the way Ruka did, but Ruka knew that he was not, and never could be like Natsume. So he would just do what he could, and wait.


End file.
